Woman calls her Step Dad a tight-a** for Not Paying Rent

Nothing gets between a happy family more than a dispute over money and what a fair share is. In this post, the OP has been paying all the mortgage and bills for her mother and step-father for two years before finally asking for a contribution towards the mortgage.

So here's the situation. I'm (27F), living with my mom (56F) and her husband John (60M) - I'll call him my stepdad for this post. 

We've been in this living arrangement for about two years now. My mom and I own the house jointly - it was left to us by my late dad. My stepdad moved in after they married, and he's never contributed to the mortgage or utilities. 

This hasn't really bothered me to this point. My Dad died over ten years ago and my Mom was miserable for years. So I was really happy for her when she started dating again and eventually found John - whom she married. 

Mom received a decent payout when Dad died so she was able to make a good dent in the mortgage as well as support me through High School. 

However by the time John had moved in I was the sole breadwinner and responsible for paying the mortgage and bills while Mom managed the house. 

I was actually grateful to have someone else to help Mom with all the stuff around the house I hated doing.

But when the OP lost her job,

Things changed a few months ago when I lost my job due to my company downsizing. Money's now tight, and I've been struggling to make ends meet. 

I've been applying for jobs everywhere and although I've picked up a few casual shifts (mainly cleaning) nothing permanent has come my way ...yet.

So I approached my mom about asking my stepdad to chip in for rent. He's retired but has a decent pension and some savings. My mom was hesitant, saying he might feel unwelcome or like we're just using him for money. 

I didn't see it that way - it's more about sharing the burden fairly.

But you can’t let these things fester, can you? But once the gloves are off, you really should be careful what you say!

One evening, I decided to bring it up with my stepdad. I approached it as delicately as possible, explaining my financial situation and how his contribution to the household could help. 

To my surprise, he got incredibly defensive. He accused me of being ungrateful and disrespectful. He said that in his days, children never asked their parents for money, but it was always the reverse.

The argument escalated quickly. My mom tried to mediate, but it only made things worse. He started mentioning how much he's done for us, like repairs around the house and helping out with groceries occasionally. 

I acknowledged that but tried to explain that regular financial contributions are different. 

He then told me that the house wasn't really half mine (it is) , that it actually belonged to my Mom, and that made it half his house. 

In his opinion, it was ME who was supposed to be paying rent. I just shook my head at him, said he was a 'sad, greedy, tight-ass' and went to my bedroom.

Ouch! there’s some serious entitlement and some loose words that make this a nasty situation.

The next day, things were tense. My mom pulled me aside and said maybe I was too harsh. She thinks we should just let it go and find another way to manage our finances. 

I feel torn. On the one hand, I understand where she's coming from, but on the other, I feel like my stepdad living rent-free while I struggle is unfair, and his view that it's 'half his house' has to be stamped out.

My Mom has a calming effect on me. Now, I'm questioning my actions. Was I the a**hole for calling him a "sad, greedy tight-ass" and asking him to contribute financially? 

Should I have just kept quiet and figured things out on my own? 

Reddit readers went to town on the step-father

u/SunnySkywalker Your stepdad is an entitled jerk. He lives in a house he doesn't own, pays no rent, wants to claim it's half his and this is a house which you have been paying off solely from your wages. 

I would seriously be getting legal advice and a will about where you stand should your mother die or divorce this leacher.

u/catlover1965 NTA Maybe you went a little overboard. Well, a lot actually, but it should never have got to this. How does the stepdad expect the mortgage to be paid if you don't have a job? 

I can't believe he would baulk at this modest request. He is indeed a 'sad, greedy tight-ass

u/bookwormben25 NTA. Financial contributions are part of being in a household. It's only fair he contributes, especially since he's living there rent-free.

Others thought the OP’s approach was completely wrong.

u/pixelprincess55 ESH The Mom should have handled this, not the OP. Whilst a contribution towards the mortgage is fair, I get where having your step-daughter treat you like a tenant might seem undignified. 

I wonder what your Mom actually told your stepdad about the house before he moved in? Calling your stepdad a 'sad, greedy, tight-ass' is such a dick move though and you are definitely an AH for that.

What would you do if you were the OP?