Wife Finds Out That Husband Wants to Give His Daughter The Same Name As His Ex
Sometimes, it can take weeks after a child is born before their parents settle on a name. And in the lead-up, every Tom, Dick, and Harry want to know what you’re thinking. So when the OP and his wife settled on a name well before the birth of their daughter, all was looking good. Or was it?
u/Doogy AITA For Wanting To Name My daughter The Same As My Ex? I (31M) have been in a relationship with my wife (29F) for 5 years and married for two. We come from different countries and met while backpacking through South-east Asia. I lived with her in her country before we both came back to marry and live in mine. She is now pregnant. We know it's a girl and of course, conversation has turned towards possible names. Given we plan on living in my (english speaking) country and my wife's english is not that great, it has been expected that I would take the lead with choosing a name and that she would choose a middle name from her culture. I told her I really like the name Amelia and my wife loved it too. She had not heard the name before but was easy for her to pronounce and we thought it sounded sweet.
But there was one important detail that the OP forgot to mention. The name they both had agreed on, also happened to be the same name of a girl that the OP once dated.
It also happens to be the name of (one of my) ex-GFs from many years before meeting my current wife. It was a brief romance in College, that included lots of parties but we broke up amicably as our lives went different ways.
The OP claims he didn’t give a second thought about this, but it’s the optics, isn’t it? So when, at a family lunch, the OP’s brother revealed the history behind the name, the OP’s wife had every reason to wonder why this had been kept secret.
You can tell by the OP’s reluctance to share the name with his family at the lunch that he was aware it could be a bit awkward. He hadn’t briefed this family, and he certainly hadn’t briefed his younger brother.
I have never spoken of my ex, haven't seen her in years and quite honestly was not even thinking of her when I suggested the name. All would have been good, except for a family lunch last weekend at my parents' house where my Mom asked if we were settling on any particular names. "You'll find out when she's born" I laughed, but my wife told her (and the rest of the family) about how we liked the name 'Amelia'. My younger brother chuckled. "So you're naming your daughter, my niece, after your ex-girlfriend?" I guess she WAS pretty hot ..." I kicked my brother under the table and as my Dad was about to ask something inane like 'whatever happened to her?', my Mom interrupted and changed the subject but it was awkward and the damage had been done.
The OP then got grilled by his wife, who started demanding why he chose this name. Ouch.
When we got home that afternoon my wife got extremely angry with me demanding to know who this Amelia was, why I hadn't said anything about her before, why I wanted to name our daughter after her and whether I was still in love with her! I told her it was a long time ago and not important and that I wasn't naming our daughter after HER I just really liked the name. My wife thinks I'm an AH and doesn't like the name anymore. AITA?
There was some sympathy for the OP from readers but a consensus that they now need to choose a different name.
u/shakinbacon Your wife seems like the jealous type and her reaction is a bit over the top, but dude, you can't choose the name of an ex for your daughter. Just not done. I don't know how many girls you've dated but there are plenty of other names to choose from.
u/broadfinger39 ESH It sounds like an incidental choice, and it shouldn't be a problem BUT you definitely can't use the name now - or any other GF's name in the future.
Who do you think is the AH? How would you feel if your partner wanted to call your child the same name as your ex?
