Daughter Tells Dad that Mom Wants to Separate
If you love both your parents equally, how are you supposed to keep a secret that requires you to take one side over the other?
Reddit user u/bettyt thought she was doing the right thing but may very well have caused what she was trying to prevent. Her parents were regularly fighting and so it didn’t come as a big surprise when her mother mentioned that their relationship was on the rocks and separation was a possibility.
But is this the sort of information you should give to your daughter who loves you both?
u/bettyt My (23F) parents, Carol (56F) and Mike (58M) have been married for over three decades. Lately, their relationship has been rocky. They've been arguing more frequently, my Dad stays out late at night with old buddies drinking, my Mom complains about his untidiness and it's become increasingly clear that they're not as happy together as they once were. A few weeks ago, my mom confided in me about her feelings. She admitted that she's been considering separation and wanted to discuss it with my dad. She asked me not to mention it to him yet as she tried to find the right time for the conversation.
The OP doesn’t want her parents to separate. She could see how her Dad’s behaviour must have been hurting his Mom so, in an effort to forestall the separation, she tries to forewarn her father with the terrible consequences of the way he was acting, in the hope he’d change.
I don't want my parents to seperate. I know my Dad would be miserable and from what I've heard of divorces, everyone (except lawyers) ends up losing a whole lot of money. More to the point, they're my Mom and Dad and the thought of them apart breaks my heart. So while I sympathized with my Mom's situation and didn't want to betray her trust, I also felt that my Dad deserved to know what was happening and not be blindsided. Besides, our family had always had a "no secrets" between us rule since I can remember, so I went to Dad and told him I had spoken with Mom and he had to lift his game or that Mom would leave. I (mistakenly as it turned out) thought that if Dad had an inkling things were getting seriously bad he would modify his behaviour, take Mom out to dinner, and they'd just kiss and make-up. Boy did things blow up. My Dad stomped off to Mom and started sarcastically jeering at her "So YOU wanna break off with ME?". There was screaming and door slamming. My Mom then stormed into my room, her eyes filled with rage. "What the f... did you tell Dad? You completely betrayed my trust etc" It was a side of Mom that I had never seen before. I was scared.
And now she’s stuck in her room and too scared to come out. She doesn’t seem to acknowledge what she’s done but recognises that everyone seems to hate her and no-one is talking to her.
I haven't left my room in hours. When i did venture out for a few minutes I could detect the hatred. I'm not really sure whether what I've done is that bad. That's why I'm now on Reddit. And now no-one's talking to anyone.
Reddit readers generally thought everyone sucked here. The OP stuck her nose in when she shouldn’t have, but the Mom’s and Dad’s behaviour was as equally appalling.
u/umbrellalover25 ESH You specifically told your Dad what you were asked not to, you're Mom shouldn't have told you and your Dad's a slob. And now separation is more likely because of YOU. Bravo.
u/jimmyjumbuckjoy22 YTA Never get involved in trying to sort your parents' relationship. Who knows, maybe they'll both be happier separated and you shouldn't be trying to interfere for your own selfish reasons. Dad's gotta lift his game though.
So who’s the AH here?
