Woman Smokes Cigarette at Funeral And People Aren’t Happy

The death of a friend or relative, particularly if they are young and the death is unexpected, can be very traumatic, and people grieve in different ways. People can also be particularly vulnerable and sensitive at this time. The OP tells the tragic story of her friend, Charlotte, who dies very quickly from lung cancer once diagnosed.

u/Lino
AITA for Smoking At My Friend's Funeral When She Died from Lung Cancer? 

I (32F) met my friend Charlotte (31F) about six years ago when we worked for the same company. We bonded, like so many smokers do, over cigarette breaks, which we took about 4-5 times a day (including lunch).

Even when she left the company we remained friends because we lived close to each other and both liked watching live bands. 

Charlotte died 3 weeks ago from lung cancer. It was very quick. She'd had a consistent cough for a few months that she put down to lingering effects of Covid. When she coughed up blood she went to the doctor and discovered she had really late stage lung cancer. She was dead within six weeks.

The OP’s friend who died had lots of friends and family, and she was just one of many hundreds at the funeral service. The funeral service was packed and the OP didn’t know that many people there.

The funeral was a huge event. I think when young people die there are usually a lot more people than for older people, but in any case, there were maybe 500 people at the Church and they not only filled all the pews but were spilling over to outside. I knew a few people there (mainly from work) but not that many. There were a lot of tears, not least from me.

But just when the service was winding up and the OP’s friend’s coffin was being loaded up into the hearse, the OP did something that upset a few people.

When the service was over, people poured out of the church as the coffin was carried into a waiting hearse. Her immediate family members were nearest the car while I was maybe 15-20 yards away.  

I lit up a cigarette and was thinking about all the times we had shared a smoke and a laugh over the years. I had my eyes closed.

I got a tap on the shoulder and in a harsh whisper told to 'put that f..ng thing out' before being told what an absolute AH I was given how she died. 

I didn't want to cause a scene so I did put it out. I noticed a few people staring at me disapprovingly.  It was awful. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. In fact I was reminiscing about our times together, but lots of people think I was an AH.

Readers were divided and it came down a lot towards how people felt about smoking in general. Comments included:

u/habitualhabit25 
YTA Are you so much of a f..ng addict that you can't even wait until your friend is buried before sucking on one of your dirty cancer love sticks? And she died of lung cancer!!! I hate people like you.

u/waltermedium77 
NTA I know people are grieving but that guy who took it out on you because you were smoking is one big DICK. What was he trying to achieve? You bonded over a cigarette, it was part of her persona, and you just want to have a quiet one while she's leaving this world.  I'm sorry about your loss.

Is the OP smoking an AH move or not?