Does Dating Your Best Friend’s Ex Make You an AH?

It is one of the biggest unwritten rules, alongside finders keepers and step on a crack marry a rat and that is don’t date your friend’s ex. But how long this rule applies is debatable. Apart from anything it’s super uncomfortable and makes any heart to heart talk about your relationship with your friend very problematic.

But no situation like this is black and white and there are plenty of times that this works out OK without your friend deciding to boil your pet bunny rabbit.

u/Smoldy is a 23-year-old man and is grappling with the moral implications of dating his best friend’s ex-girlfriend. He took to Reddit to ask if he was an AH.

u/Smoldy
AITA for Dating My Best Friend's Ex?

So here's the story. My best friend John and I have been inseparable since high school, and we're both 23 years old now. John and his ex-girlfriend Lucy broke up about six months ago. John told me that he found Lucy to be too demanding for his liking and that she had put on quite a bit of weight and wasn't nearly as attractive as when he first met her.  Lucy was really upset.

So basically, John dumps his girlfriend because she’s too fat. The OP and Lucy don’t see each other for months until a chance encounter. And at this encounter it seems that Lucy is VERY friendly – or maybe it’s the OP being very friendly.

In any case they exchange numbers and ‘co-incidentally’ they run into eachother the very next night. This time it’s at a bar, with alcohol, and well… you know how the story goes.

About three weeks ago, I ran into Lucy at the shopping mall. I hadn't seen her in five months or so and she'd lost a lot of weight and looked pretty hot I thought. We exchanged pleasantries and then phone numbers. We hugged when we said goodbye and she gave me a very quick peck on the lips before she left.

The very next day I co-incidentally saw her again out at a bar (although I half suspect she went there on purpose as it was a place I frequented). We ended up talking all night (but not about John), getting drunk and eventually kissing. I then went back to her place. 

Over the next few weeks we went on a few dates, and it's progressed so that I guess we're now a couple.

This was never going to be easy, and the OP must have felt awkward when he finally told John about his ‘new girlfriend. John wasn’t happy and claimed the timing of the relationship was irrelevant and that pursuing his ex was an absolute betrayal.

When I broke the news to John about my relationship with Lucy, he was pretty pissed and accused me of betraying his trust. He asked me if we had been f....ng while they were going out [NO]. He said that in any case I should have never pursued a relationship with his ex out of loyalty to our friendship.

The OP seems genuinely concerned about whether he overstepped boundaries or wheyher his happiness actually deserves consideration

I don't think I'm in the wrong here. I followed the friggin' unwritten rule of not dating a friend's ex immediately after a breakup. 

But five months had passed.John himself had been the one to break it off anyway. He thought she was too fat FFS! I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship, and I would never have pursued her (for more than one night) if I thought it would hurt him. 

Meanwhile Lucy thinks John is an AH and it has nothing to do with him. She thinks I should tell him to f... off. 

So AITA for dating my best friend's ex? Did I cross some bro code, or my feelings should be just as important as his feelings?

The story has almost equally divided readers. Some readers were sceptical about this being a ‘new’ thing and thought they’d probably been flirting for ages, or worse, had actually cheated.

u/rollerblades
Sure buddy. Anyone can read between the lines. I bet you two were doing it beforehand

u/Smoldy OP
I want to make this clear from the start, my relationship with my now GF only began six months AFTER my best friend had split up with her. We were not cheating behind his back or even flirting. I always thought she was pretty hot though LOL