Sister Refuses to Share Inheritance with Abused Brother

It’s often said nothing gets between a family more than a bucket of cash. An inheritance that wasn’t divided equally is rarely taken well by the family member who misses out. But what if that person had been abused as a kid by their parent and was STILL missing out on their fair share?

In this story, u/Grolly tells how her father has died and left a modest amount of money to her and her brother in his will, but the money was not divided evenly. In fact, the OP was granted three times as much as her brother and naturally this has caused some resentment.

The OP’s brother thinks they should split the inheritance equally, but the OP doesn’t think that she should have to. Then the OP’s brother reveals some details of his relationship with his father that OP is not sure whether to believe.

u/Grolly
AITA For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Brother? 

My father died a few months ago and my brother (50M) and I (46F) have been dealing with cleaning up his apartment and the rest of his estate. Our mother died more than five years ago, and my sister and I were their only children. I have four of my own kids (8,10,12,16) who were all fond of their grandfather. 

I should start by saying that my brother and I have never been very close. Maybe we once were as kids, but over the years I've seen less and less of him. He hated our parents so would never visit them. He didn't even go to our Mom's funeral when she died. 

The OP’s brother claims he was abused as a kid. It is not uncommon for children to be subjected to various types of abuse by a family member, and for that to remain hidden from others, but the OP doubts the story, given how often he lies about everything else.

But abuse can affect children’s development in so many ways and lead to many social and mental health problems, perhaps even a propensity for lying. It’s a chicken and egg situation here. The OP continues …

He claims our Dad used to hit him as a kid but I never saw it happen. Given he lies about lots of things is generally an unreliable person, it's hard to know what the truth is. 
He's always in and out of jobs, drinks and smokes a lot and has some minor felonies against his name (community service but not jail) . 

The OP is cynical about the reasons that her brother reconnected with her father. It was known how much he hated him and the feeling was regarded as mutual after the OP’s brother had boycotted his mother’s funeral only a few years before.

But the OP was able to put aside the past and was happy enough to have someone to share the grief – and the responsibilities for dealing with her father’s death.

In the last 3-4 months, when our Dad had been diagnosed with cancer and was clearly on the way out, my brother had attempted to reconnect with him and would make visits to him in the hospice. I regarded this very suspiciously at first because I knew how much he hated him and our Dad hadn't really forgiven since he missed Mom's funeral.  

Nonetheless it was a difficult time for all of us and I was honestly getting on with him better than I had in years and speaking to him regularly. 

Now we get to the juicy part—the money. It doesn’t matter how well you’re getting on, people will react in their self interest when there’s significant amounts of money. This story reinforces how important it is to discuss wills and other financial arrangements in advance so you don’t end up with the family fighting. Unless that’s your intention of course.

The OP continues …

Then we read the Will.

Dad didn't have a lot, but he did own his own apartment and had some retirement investments and all up the estate was worth about $600k. In the Will he left me 75% and my brother 25% and my brother is really angry. He said something like "so my father abuses me as a kid, favors you as the golden child and then screws me again." and he suggests that I do the 'right' thing and share the inheritance equally.

I tell him that the reason he got less was because he disowned our parents for years, didn't even go to Mom's funeral and he was lucky to get anything at all. I was the one taking Dad to medical appointments for years. I was the one consoling him after Mom's death while he was taking drugs and grifting and doing what he does. He shook his head in rage and said I had no idea what our Dad used to do to him when he was a kid and that was why he cut off contact.

I don't think I should have to give up any of my inheritance to him, even if the abuse is true,  - especially as I have four kids whose futures depend on me and to whom I intend  gifting some of this inheritance money. He's threatening to go to a lawyer. 

AITA?

The post created a storm on Reddit. Most readers thought the OP was NTA and that she has a responsibility to look after herself and her family first.

u/tomatoesaucehead 
If it is what your Dad wanted then you should feel no guilt about receiving the bulk of the inheritance. You have a family with four young children to look after so think of them and their financial future.

u/cakewalk77 NTA You are under absolutely no obligation to give up any of your inheritance to your brother. By the sounds of it he'd just spend it all on drugs anyway.

Others thought that the Dad was the real villain. He would have known that dividing his will unevenly was going to cause issues.

u/witcherproof22 
ESH Your Dad was especially an AH for not communicating before he died about the distribution in his will. He must have known it would cause grief between his kids. 

But maybe you’d be happier without the stress. A few people commented the OP would be better off sharing it equally, not just for the fairness but for their own sake. One reader asks if it’s possible that your brother’s behaviour is actually related to the way his father treated him?

u/benderbob99 
YTA Have you ever wondered if your brother's behaviour might be the result of the abuse he suffered as a kid? Sharing the inheritance equally with your brother would be a giant gesture. You would feel good about it and your brother would remember it for ever. He'll hate you forever now.

u/snagahaven88
YTA Don't double down on your Dad's behaviour.

Is the OP an AH?